she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
