I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
