you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Damn victory sex feels great
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
