I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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