How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
