Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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