He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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