I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
