I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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