I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
