And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
