Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
