Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
