i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
