Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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