I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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