and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
