Someone shit on the floor
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
