Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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