is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
