She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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