i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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