My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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