A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
