I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
