If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
