Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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