fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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