I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
