he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
