I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
