There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
