Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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