I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
