Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize