she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
