I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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