i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
