We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
