Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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