Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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