Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
