i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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