I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
