your thong is hanging out like whoa
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
