God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
