i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
