saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
