My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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