i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Terrible idea I love it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
