shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
