Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We're too hungover to prance.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize