I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
