is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
