if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
