I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
