My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
