I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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