hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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