She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
