awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
