Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The maid of honor just puked.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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