i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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