I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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